School officials told the couple that they present an inherent harm to kids.. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. What do you get at the end of it? Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. "There's no present. ", 7. This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. ", 53. "I have as much authority as the Pope. ", 86. 3 queens who slayed while imitating Rep. George Santoss drag alter ego, Kitara Rivache, Libs Of TikTok's Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, Tennessee issues trans healthcare ban & nation's first drag ban. Religion is like a pair of shoes, you have to find the one that fits you. George Carlin : Designed to scare and control primitive people. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. ", 83. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Fewer Texans. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. ", 20. Enjoy! These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. After that, they don't want to know about you. It was during the waning of the Nixon years, where confidence in government was beginning its slide down to the Stygian depths where it rests today; the Vietnam War, and racial unrest, continued to rage on. 1. '", 93. They own everything," the quote reads. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Quantserve sets the mc cookie to anonymously track user behaviour on the website. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Let's start with critical race theory. September 12, 2019. From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. Associated with Amazon Web Services and created by Elastic Load Balancing, AWSELB cookie is used to manage sticky sessions across production servers. Its you. I like people who buck the system. You dont have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. "Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. "In America, anyone can become president. 41. "It's important in life if you don't give a s**t. It can help you a lot. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. ", 31. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? But He loves you. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. The cookies contains information that allows Prebid servers to distinguish between browsers and mobile devices. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. I'm a cowboy who . Its because volunteers work for no pay. This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? JIM STAFFORD. the politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. Say what you want about America land of the free, home of the brave we got some dumb**s motherf**kers floating around in this country, Carlin says over the images. Elect me. Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. This cookie is set by Eloqua. "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. ", 64. Its because volunteers work for no pay. They dont want that. ", 63. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! The people are fucked. George Carlin, Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. The game is rigged. Whats that, a bonus? "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. This cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites. Set aside 30 minutes to watch investigative journalist Whitney Webb speak with MintPress News in the video above. ", 28. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, Back In Town, Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. "My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' "People are fucking nuts. "When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. ", 5. He is famous for being named the 'The Dean of Counterculture Comedians.' His dark humor penetrates different issues of life, religion, language, and class. You don't say that about cats. Yeah, the public sucks. Nothing changed. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. They dont give a fuck about you. These Politicians Don't Care About You At All The failures of people who supposedly represent the people Photo by Marco Oriolesi on Unsplash When people elect leaders in a democracy, the. The v1st cookie is set by TripAdvisor to collect details about how visitors use the website, by displaying user reviews, awards and information received on the TripAdvisor community. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. ", 34. ", 74. YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. AWSALB is an application load balancer cookie set by Amazon Web Services to map the session to the target. Well what if I don't want to? The quote continues: "They own all the important land. I had an imaginary friend. ", 122. 4. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. This cookie is set by the provider Mixcloud. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. ", 104. ", 119. Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. ", 26. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. "Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. "The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. They are irrelevant. ", 57. The test_cookie is set by doubleclick.net and is used to determine if the user's browser supports cookies. ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. Theyre not interested in that. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. ", 51. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this week's reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. They dont want to hear from you. Try spelling Evian backward. of American cultural paradoxes.. You don't. You have no choice! George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). It covers the most famous 'rant' part of the speech.  Now having somewhat successfully established my Press credentials and ", 68. "People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Laugh until you gasp for breath. This cookie is used to manage the interaction with the online bots. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. You have owners. "Everyone smiles in the same language. . "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. It doesn't matter what side you're on. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. "Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. You have no choice. He missed this one. ", 75. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. That doesnt help them. This cookie supports the website's live support provider. The late George Carlin was a genius with words, a deft dasher of conventional logic, and a master observer (and master-baiter!) "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? They own you. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. ", 113. George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. No nothing. ", 87. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet #AmericaWakeUp. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. Maybe this time itll work. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. ", 25. Now, some people like to twist that around. They own, and control the corporation. ", 39. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". You have owners. ", 85. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. They own all the important land. "People always tell me 'Have a nice day.' and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. ", 18. ", 56. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. ", 16. ", 117. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube 0:00 / 0:37 George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you ThreeToedPete 955 subscribers Subscribe 502 Share 35K. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. Just like homeless people. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. This cookie is native to PHP applications. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes.